oh my aching neck

so i really thought this one would be different. probably like when an alcoholic (who hasn't quite come to terms with the problem) thinks that one beer won't derail progress. yep...i totally thought this job would be different. and it was. it was different for about five months. granted, those five months were spent in mourning and shock. i wasn't fully in my body and certainly wasn't in control of most of my emotions. my head wasn't in it, which was probably a good thing.

well then i started to emerge from my cocoon. and yes, i still have the job, but now the job has me. just like before. i dream about it, i wake up at 5 am thinking about it, i can't get it out of my mind. i bring my laptop home so i can finish up my work. it's sick. and of course, just like the old days, i can't move my neck. my question is....how do you deal with workaholic-ness when you still need to have a job? i mean, really?

i've tried working out. in fact, of the four days last week that i woke up at 5am, i went straight to the gym for three of them. it helped. i don't think about work when i'm at the gym. i just sweat. and listen to music. and read the new yorker. but at night, if i wake up, the little ticker tape starts. work just crosses my frontal lobe incessantly. like some sick fucking song on repeat. sometimes if i write down what is on the tape, i can fall back asleep. but sometimes not. or sometime, i fall back asleep and then i dream about the tape and the cast of characters and it's like being at work with my eyes closed.

and somehow, i don't think getting a job at starbucks would help. at least, it wouldn't help my neck. poor thing!