Monday, August 23

in the big city

yeah, i took a vacation from bloggerland. it was weird. i spent a whole week not reading blogs, barely writing in blogs. i did squeeze in a post about the impending interview. it's sad when you seem to have so much going on that you have to say things like, "well, wednesdays are bad, thursdays are definitely out, but i'm available on monday from 5-7." ugh!

so this interview was definitely out of the ordinary. my potential new boss (pnb) talked for an hour and a half and asked me about fifteen minutes worth of questions. it was more of an orientation. yet no guarentees.

then, i missed my flight. so the end of the interview consisted of my pnb calling the travel agency, handing me the phone and watching me negotiate a change to my ticket. i managed to avoid the $500 price originally quoted and the "free" standby option. instead, i found a $250 ticket which gave me time to lunch with my chicago friend before returning to o'hare.

once the interview was officially over, my pnb confided in me that she doesn't fly standby anymore because it's impossible to get on a plane.

does that mean i get the job?

Wednesday, August 18

a case of the shoulds

right now, i should be putting together my portfolio. but i'm not. i'm catching up on all of the blogs i haven't read in a week. it's weird. it's like i've been in a cave or something.

tomorrow the unemployed one is being flown to chicago for a job interview. flown to chicago. that has continued to blow my mind since last friday when this potential employer booked my flight. holy guacamole. i've flown places for work before, but never for an interview.

so i should be putting together my portfolio that the tsa will probably not let me take on the plane. my portfolio that won't fit in an overhead bin, but shouldn't be checked (since then everything will look like shit). i leave at 8:30 am and return at 3:00 pm. what a day! so i should get going...

but i'll try not to stay away so long next time.

Wednesday, August 11

soccer

the history:
in eighth grade, i was playing indoor and outdoor soccer almost year-round. when i started, they only had guys teams, but by junior high, some girls teams had formed. right before high school, i started having knee problems and found myself seeing a physical therapist. he told me i'd need knee surgery if i kept playing soccer. like any kid who anything called surgery, i stopped playing soccer and found something else to do.

the questions:
for years, i've wondered what would have happened had i not quit. in the years following the knee surgery discussion, my motto was, "i'll only run if i'm chased, and even then....maybe not." who wants knee surgery? but a year and a half ago, i started working with a trainer. when i first met with her, she told me she'd have me running in no time. i laughed. "no way," i thought.

the training:
i've worked up from twenty minutes of cardio to forty-five. i've lifted weights for eighteen months without more than a week's break. it's just amazing. i ran a 5k in may for the first time in my life. i had to walk a few times, but i did it! and now we come to the subject of the post.


last night:
for the first time in fifteen years, i played soccer. it was so fun, and i didn't even care that i was surely the worst one on the field.

i totally took on their superstar guy and blocked him from a straight shot on goal. that was awesome. and i had one shot on goal that was impossible, but it hit the side of the net. i hyperventilated at the beginning of the second half and felt incredibly out-of-shape, but it just made me want to go to the gym more. not many things in life make me want that...except my trainer. but i pay her to make me want to go to the gym more.

the way i see it, life is too short to avoid sports because of what could happen. screw knee surgery! rock on team sports!!

Tuesday, August 10

no rest for the weary

damn...i'm just not sleeping at all these days. for the past week, i've been having the weirdest most lucid dreams. go figure.

so last night, i dreamt that i stayed up a full 24 hours and had to go into work with zero hours of sleep. i woke up feeling like complete crap. full moon? bad feng-shui in our make-shift bedroom? who knows.

thankfully, the dog's ACL is almost completely recovered and our bedroom will move back upstairs as soon as the threat of 90 degree weather has subsided. and based on this week, it may have subsided already.

Sunday, August 8

not so bad

yesterday wasn't actually a rotten day. parts of it were stinking rotten. but then, at the end of the day, hottie and i went hand-in-hand to ikea (at 8 pm of course...since it closes at 9). we laughed at all of the goofy people. picked out matching bedside tables. bought a trash can, cookies and tupperware. ikea is smart...the cookies and the tupperware were next to the check-out line. all told, we spent $11.61 and a lovely 45-minutes at the madhouse that is our newest retail store. and then we came home and listened to music and did our best to solve the world's (or just our) problems. i love my hottie.

and today, i saw punk rock awesome. it was great! so flippin' hilarious! and my bf, i mean bff, and i walked around afterwards and plotted about how we could take over the world. it won't be long now.

Saturday, August 7

oh

this song can make me happy even on a rotten day. thanks dave.

Oh, by
Dave Matthews

The world is blowing up
The world is caving in
The world has lost her way again
But you are here with me
But you are here with me
Makes it ok

I hear you still talk to me
As if you're sitting in that dusty chair
Makes the hours easier to bear
I know despite the years alone
I'll always listen to you sing your sweet song
And if it's all the same to you

I love you oh so well
Like a kid loves candy and fresh snow
I love you oh so well
Enough to fill up heaven overflow and fill hell
Love you oh so well

And it's cold and darkness falls
It's as if you're in the next room so alive
I could swear I hear you singing to me

I love you oh so well
Like a kid loves candy and fresh snow
I love you oh so well
Enough to fill up heaven overflow and fill hell

The world is blowing up
The world is caving in
The world has lost her way again
But you are here with me
But you are here with me
Makes it ok

Oh girl you're singing to me still
I love you oh so well
Like a kid loves candy and fresh snow
I love you oh so well
Enough to fill up heaven overflow and fill hell
Love you oh so well

Friday, August 6

support art

go to the minnesota fringe festival. it's not too late. it starts today.

Thursday, August 5

a missed call

so yesterday, i enjoyed a day away from my canadian friends. it was nice to not have to drive to the boonies for work. so as i'm driving around, enjoying the beautiful day, i hear paul douglas on the radio. he's sitting in for don shelby's show. i never listen to wcco. i don't know how it happened. but i found myself sucked into a discussion about music and politics.

paul was facilitating a discussion about the upcoming vote for change concerts. bruce springsteen, dave matthews and a slew of artists are performing concerts in swing states this october. paul was wondering if it was appropriate for musicians to be helping with fundraising and voter awareness for the election, wondering why moveon chose concerts as a way to reach out. he wondered if this type of public political stance would affect record sales?

here is one of the callers: paul, it's so great that you can be so neutral about this. and i think that all of these musicians are going to ruin their careers just like the dixie chicks. thanks for taking my call.
i wanted to call paul douglas and share my opinion. i wanted to say:

hey paul. has our country really slid that far from our foundation? has attorney general john ashcroft violated (and restricted) our first amendment rights to such an extent that we've all forgotten the function of art in our society? i expect musical artists to have an opinion, to inform and educate the public. i am sick to think that our culture has deteriorated to the extent that when artists do what they should do, the public responds with shock and awe (like mr. previous caller)

i ask our artists to comment. the day that our artists stop commenting is the day that we live in a totalitarian, dictatorial regime. the day that we supress artistic expression, especially in a political
vein, is the day we cease to be free. i don't need to agree with them. but i want to know that they have an opinion.

i missed the call. maybe the republicans will counter with toby keith. kind of like how they want to put alan keyes up against barack obama.

Tuesday, August 3

say hello to the new national intelligence director

okay, now that is just plain funny. two whole posts dedicated to insecurity and here i thought numero uno was lost in cyberspace forever. well now i feel all better.

and secure as can be.

in fact, maybe i'm feeling so secure that i think i should be the new non-cabinet level national intelligence director. i mean, i'm super smart and witty and i wouldn't have to deal with budgets, so that would make it much easier. plus, i'd have such a large staff that they won't be able to fit in the white house which is why they would be separate from the white house (according to andy card).

listen in to bush's press conference:

bush: ...I think it [the national intelligence director's group] ought to be a stand-alone group, to better coordinate, particularly between foreign intelligence and domestic intelligence matters. I think it's going to be one of the most useful aspects of the National Intelligence Director.
isn't it comforting to know that this group will be more effective coordinating all of these large matters outside of the white house? wow...bush just always knows how to ease minds and make us feel safe and secure. oh, and i wouldn't want to leave out the last part of his press conference. listen to the final question and answer session:
Q: ...Mr. President, would you say -- can you say what you regard as the model for this National Intelligence Director? Is it the Fed, would it be the Joint Chiefs of Staff? And in what way would this new structure prevent the kind of intelligence failings that preceded the war in Iraq with respect to weapons, difficulty of the opposition faced, and those sorts of things?

THE PRESIDENT: Not like the Fed. More like the Joint Chiefs, because the Joint Chiefs have got a -- even though not a part of the chain of command, they are affected by the chain of command.

And the second part of the -- oh, why would this -- listen, let me talk about the intelligence in Iraq. First of all, we all thought we would find stockpiles of weapons. We may still find weapons. We haven't found them yet. Every person standing up here would say, gosh, we thought it was going to be different, as did the Congress, by the way, members of both parties, and the United Nations. But what we do know is that Saddam Hussein had the capability of making weapons.

And let me just say this to you: Knowing what I know today, we still would have gone on into Iraq. We still would have gone to make our country more secure. He had the capability of making weapons. He had terrorist ties. The decision I made was the right decision. The world is better off without Saddam Hussein in power. And I find it interesting, in the political process, that some say, well, I voted for the intelligence, and now they won't say whether or not it was the right decision to take Saddam Hussein out. It's the right decision, and the world is better off for it.


saying it doesn't make it so mr. bush. just remember that.

Monday, August 2

insecurity

i hate to dedicate a whole post to this topic, but i figure, if i just get it out of my system, maybe it will subside. insecurity. all i can say is, "what is that about?" i managed to avoid this miserable feeling in high school. i was always fairly oblivious to what other people thought. i'm sure that i indulged insecuriy now and then, but for the most part, i maintained a confident existance.

but the past month has been one wave after another. it started when my most recent story was workshopped in class. throughout my life, i've always loved critiques, be it in theater, speech, creative writing, art, and so on. my mantra: never take criticism personally because it isn't personal.

ha!

sounds good when you are feeling confident and secure (or completely oblivious to the world around you). but when that bumbling little voice ("you are so far from perfect...in fact, you are so imperfect that you shouldn't be trying that, doing that, wearing that or seen in public") becomes deafening. generally, i can give that little voice a karate chop in the groin and send it back to hell where it came from. but lately, my defenses are weak. it screams louder than reason. that little fucker.

of course, my wonderful writing compatriots remind me that if i'm feeling insecure about writing, it must mean that i'm a real writer. all writers are insecure. and i watch adaptation and realize, yes, this might be true. or not. either way, i'd like to beat that damn little voice into submission. who ever said perfect was a good ideal anyway?

Sunday, August 1

Art vs. Entertainment

Yesterday, Hottie and I celebrated our six years of marriage. We returned to the scene of the crime (Christos) and enjoyed a yummy Greek dinner. When we arrived, the bartender (who has worked there forever) knew it was our anniversary. His acute memory impressed us. Once seated, he broke the news. My dad had called earlier to ask them to give us a bottle of wine, charged to him. All amazement in the bartender's memory faded, but we were happy for the wine.

As is typical of the St. Paul Christos on a Saturday night, a wedding was in progress. We arrived during the toasts and they went on throughout dinner. Our conversation turned to art versus entertainment. Hottie didn't realize that I make distinctions between pop literature (entertainment) and literary fiction (art), so we spent the bulk of our conversation reviewing entertainment/genre artists and
fine/literary artists. Hottie thought he cornered me when it came to painting. (By this time, we'd thoroughly analyzed literature and music.) But I countered with Thomas Kinkade. Hottie hadn't heard of him. Lucky for me, our server knew exactly who he was and when I filled him in on our conversation, our server agreed that Thomas Kinkade, John Grisham and Brittany Spears all fit in the same category.

We ended the night seeing the Bourne Supremacy, which was completely entertaining (thanks to Matt Damon). Entertainment and art - I love them both.