dreams

so i've had about five hours of sleep since we returned from california. call it time zone adjustment or just plain ol' insomnia. i hate getting out of bed anyway. it's even worse when i don't feel like i've slept.

i had the weirdest dream. i've had lucid dreams since i was a kid and they can be completely earth shattering (getting bit -- and killed -- by a huge snake as i stood between it and my family...coinciding perfectly with my parents divorce) and completely obvious (being chased and shot at by men in black...coinciding with my horrific job of a few years ago. a job i obviously needed to quit).

so i dream that my old boss (DB: dumb bitch who "let me go unexpectedly") hires my mom to replace me in my old job. (and of course, even in my dream i'm feeling sorry for my mom since DB is so intolerable). i'm talking to these people at the company (who are all people from my childhood) who are talking about how much everyone misses me and likes my mom and thinks DB is crazy. what the hell? why can't i expunge her from my psyche? every time i think i'm home free and past the bitterness and this? dreaming about people you hate is not a pleasant way to spend dream time.

so with my five hours of sleep, i'm going to get a refill of coffee and hope that we get some work up here in canada. it's good for blogging, not great for boredom.

Obama...oh YEAH!

Okay, i just have to say, barack obama rocks. he's the bomb. i wish he lived in minnesota instead of illinois. check out his speech from this evening in boston. 
 
i mean, i still love hillary and all (even though she seems to have this weird look on her face much of the time now), but obama is the man. he could be our first african-american president. i'd definitely be on board that bus!

the meaning of convention

i hate to beat a dead horse (or a dead donkey), but honestly, what happened to creativity and politics? i mean, has it always been dead and i just never noticed before? or are democrats really so afraid of anything new (and getting their asses kicked) that they are accidentally boring us all to death by playing it safe? and i won't even get into the republican side of things because even the thought of watching their convention makes me want to puke for hours.

this year's democratic national convention is so heavily scripted, i can hardly bring myself to watch it. but of course, i curled up on the couch with a bucket of popcorn and watched it anyway. who can miss our country's greatest public speaker of all time, president bill clinton? he's amazing.

but beyond that, i've got some gripes. i think the democrats need some new and fresh ideas to spruce things up a bit. i mean, sure, they've got celebrities (hi glenn close who seemed to be completely unfamiliar with her speech prior to getting on stage....hm....you aren't that unprepared in the movies are you?), musicians and of course, more politicians, but let's get real people. it's called marketing and whether you like it or not...it helps.

everyone in america can't get enough reality tv, so why not bring some of that reality to the convention. instead of a bunch of people being so careful (wouldn't want to offend anyone, wouldn't want to say anything that could bite you in the ass, etc.), why don't we get people saying REAL things? if bill clinton can do it, why can't the rest of the party join in?

idea #1: maybe they could have a "whose line is it anyway" improv section to the evening. let's see how well our politicians think on their feet. god knows they should be able to do it everyday.

idea #2: cirque de soleil acting out the past four years. that could be interesting. people like visual stuff. all this talking gets boring and people tune it out. but if you use charts and graphs, or preferably, mimes, you could really show how fucked we've been for the past four years. (and of course, we'd keep it clean for the kids)

idea #3: a real primary season with the delegates going to the convention to actually choose a candidate rather than christen one. i have to preface this by saying i've been a john kerry supporter all along. i think he's the best candidate and i've thought so since day one. but it seems that everyone is caught up in the fact that they'd like bush out of office. well, i want john kerry in the white house...how's that? and i'd like to be able to see our delegates actually do some work at the convention rather than sit around and ogle over each other without having any real work to do. c'mon people...let's make it interesting!

idea #4: make it easier for young people to go to the convention. i know here in minnesota, i went to my caucus for the first time ever. and what memories do i have? i met some great folks from my neighborhood at the caucus. we all agreed to go to the district convention. after four long and boring hours at the district convention, my new friends and i caucused. we wanted to make it to the state convention. our caucus was called, "new blood for kerry." the convention leaders didn't seem to like the word, "blood" in our name, but we didn't care. it was true...we were new blood and they would have to stomach us. to make a long story short, some freaky woman took over our caucus, got herself to the state convention (we were all in shock and were frightfully confused, being newbies and all) and left us all wondering why the hell we wasted so much valuable saturday morning time. i tell you this story because i don't think it is unique. i think it is indicative of the problem with my party and with our system. let the youngsters in people! we'd come if the people in charge would just open the friggin' door once in awhile.

this would help idea #4 which is get some solid gold, hip-looking (clothed, of course) dancers who can shake some booty. did you see the folks they showed on tv dancing along to crap assed music between speeches? pathetic.

look democrats. you've got plenty of good marketing minds who want you to succeed. why don't you just use the talents already in the party? those are my ideas for the day. they could all be crap, but they are better than safety as usual. c'mon...be fucking interesting!

It's a Dry Heat

It's a dry heat here in sunny California. But it's still hot. After hanging out in Carmel for a few days, which included a visit to the Monterey Bay Aquarium (a sight to behold), a visit to two beaches (full of wonderful west coast sand and sea creatures), a couple of visits to the hot tub and some pick up baseball with the cutest brothers-in-law anyone could ask for (hello 6, 8 and 11-year old cuties!), it's been a wonderful time. And regardless of the undercurrent of life and death, I love my west coast family. They are full of hope and joy and video games. And there is nothing better than getting off of an airplane to have a posse of small boys waiting to greet you and give you hugs and screams all at the same time.

Chain letters

First of all, I hate chain letters and propaganda articles. Granted, when people send them to me, I generally just delete them. I don't berrate these senders with evil thoughts and I don't actively hate them. Just hit delete and it's over. But every now and then, I actually read one. Today's blog is dedicated to the most obnxious chain letter I've received in quite awhile. You may want to read it before you read my ranting and raving. Or not.

Let's start with the title. "People over 35 should be dead." Okay. I know something is coming. I'm just not sure what. And just for the hell of it, let's throw in the last line too, "People under 30 are WIMPS!" since that's the line that really got me going (even at the ripe age of 30).

So the author who wrote this rancid article begins recounting a simpler time. A time before video games made kids fat. A time when everyone was safe outside riding their bikes around the neighborhood, eating worms and playing made-up games. A time when cribs were full of lead paint. A time when people didn't sue each other and everyone took responsibility for their own actions.

Give me a fucking break. I don't think it's 30 years olds who are suing McDonalds for hot coffee. In fact, the woman who sued McDonalds was 81, not 21. So my first thought was why does this writer hate those of us under the age of 35 so incredibly much? Is he pissed that he didn't make out like a bandit during the dot com boom? Did he sit on the sidelines wondering why everyone was so interested in "this internet thing" while his 20-something niece who worked at yahoo! ended up a millionaire? Most of the kids I knew played video games and ran around playing made up games and eating worms. We built tree houses and played ghost in the graveyard and all of that idyllic childhood shit.

I reread the article and thought, I can make gross generalizations, too. I wondered about about all of those people over the age of 35 who got divorced and left their children latch key kids. Maybe video games and TV was all kids under the age of 35 had available because they were stuck living in some apartment/condo/townhome with no money and one parent. I mean, my brother and I ate microwave burritos and watched three's company every day after school. Sure, in our early teen years, we could've gone outside to play, but after I got punched in the face by some shitty neighborhood girl, the couch seemed a safer place.

And our litigious society? Parents today should side with the law and not with their kids? I really could go on and on, but the fact is, I'm sick to death of articles like this. You can make your points (about the obesity, lawsuits, television violence and video games), but be a bit more intelligent about it, because your end conclusion, "People under 30 are WIMPS!" doesn't even derive from your rant. Idiot.

 

karma

today, a very good friend of mine told me that when bad things are happening, you can think of it as your karma getting cleaned out. i thought that was a good way to look at it. even while i'm sitting here holding back a geyser of tears wishing that there wasn't so much pain in the world and in my and b's world.
 
these things that make me feel better when i'm sad:

1. taking walks outside with b
2. laying in bed with b
3. hugging our dog
4. listening to great music

i'm going to do a bunch of those things today. and i'm going to remember that everyone gets their karma cleansed sometimes.

Ode to Light Rail

I got hitched six years ago. In an effort to save money, we sold our old cars to buy one new car. We did what most Minnesotans think impossible and became a one-car family in the sprawling twin cities.

For the past six years, we've managed. For awhile, we both worked downtown and carpooling was a snap. Since December, we've been itching to get another car. We've looked casually (on Sundays since we can't buy one by accident), looked online, and I even test drove a used Passat last week. Ah...the leather interior, sunroof and lovely blue lights on the dashboard panel. I was so close. Yet somehow, it just doesn't seem critical enough. Our friends think we're crazy. But, until we need to rent a car more than once a month, it doesn't make sense to have another one.

And then comes light rail. No longer do we have to jockey for rides home, if one of us has to work late. While our morning commute is the same, coming home is a dream. Now we just get to Hiawatha and downtown Minneapolis is minutes away.

And tonight? Maybe we'll park and ride. Go see the Bodeans and not have to mess with parking downtown. Our car can sit at the 46th Street station, waiting for its two drivers to ride back on the Minnie. Plus, wouldn't we get lonely with two cars?

oh canada

out here in maple grove, which i like to refer to as canada without the cool politics, we still wait for work. yet, i've started doing more interesting, non work related things. after choosing a grad program that i can't afford, i found a place to donate my old mattress and chairs (thank you bridging), i've found the best website on the planet (thank you dogster) and i've been able to keep people apprised of where to find counter-rhetoric for our current president's attack ads (thank you John Kerry's D Bunker).

mostly, i've been working on a new story. i'm not getting anywhere quickly, writing isn't a quick process. i got great feedback on my story yesterday, even though yesterday i felt like crap. normally, i do a half-assed job of writing. i throw something together at the last minute and don't feel all that attached to it.

i really tried on this one. and i knew it wasn't perfect, but i felt more connected to it personally. so after the workshop, i came away thinking i'd written the worst story on the planet. it was really strange. but j and d made me feel much better and told me that it was shitty and i really should've known that on my own, but yesterday, i really didn't.

in the end, i think it's a good start that needs more work. which is why i'm glad i work in canada. gives me more time to do other things.

and look who i found today

stories and school

so tomorrow is a big day. my creative writing class is workshopping my story. two of the people in my class emailed me today to tell me that they liked my story and it just made my day. i'm just sitting here smiling and wishing that tomorrow would come so i can go to class and hear the comments.

and i finally have another grad school program to look at. since i've checked out:

• law (though the lsat is the only test i've taken so far)
  
• architecture
• american studies
• graphic design
• creative writing
• business
• public policy
• history

i decided i would look at the masters in liberal studies. i haven't been to a grad school information session for at least six months, so i'm definitely due for a visit.

temp work

i don't mind being a temp. no office politics. no "taking work with you" when you leave. no strings attached. the only thing i don't like about it is that it is utterly boring. i didn't realize how much this mattered, until i realized that out of all of the temp jobs i've had, my favorite one was at the veterans administration hospital in madison. i worked in the file room. every day i came in and attacked stacks and stacks of paper waiting to be put in the right patient file. each day the piles looked the same, as if no one was working at all. but i did. and i loved those files. i wasn't supposed to read the files, but who can help it? they were fascinating, tragic and real.

and, now, in my infinite free time i'm trying to learn how to write song lyrics so i can try out for a rock band. do you think that i'm too old to be in my first rock band at thirty? i don't think so. they will probably pick someone else and then i won't be able to try out. then i'll be left to be in the audience and to imagine myself on stage. and i can't fully imagine myself in either place. maybe that's the problem.